Bhavesh question is, what do you do, you have invested a lot in relationship and now you feel you have been cheated in that relationship and what do you do right now and you know your life is drifting away.

Individually it is very tough, Bhavesh. Nothing hurts more than the hurt of the heart. When people have erred in their actions it’s easy to forgive them. When people have erred in their intentions, it’s very difficult for you to forgive.  Wrong act of a person even if you are angry, even if you are upset, by evening you forget it. When you know the intention of the person has not been right, it’s very difficult for you to handle.

Now, the individual who is going through this, there are certain hurts in life which only time heals and when I say time heals, it de-intensifies over a period of time. You will have to go through this and that is how the whole thing heals. Lot of us can advise, lot of us can…I can give you very intellectual concepts. The one who has the fracture has the fracture. Everybody else can come and tell you, think about the other leg, it’s ok. All that is ok… But it is paining right now and only he knows! And a lot can be said about it. Think about it…you have a loving family to take care of you, at this period. Be happy, after the exam fracture happened. During the exam, if it happened you could not have studied. All that is right… but it is paining…  ok. That is how the emotional injuries are. Only the one who goes through this, knows this. Nobody else knows this. We all can talk about it but somewhere with time only, it will heal. You have to go through…  certain sufferings in our life we have to endure. It’s designed to create you.  It will not go away. There’s no way to say shhhhuk… You have to go through this. This is from an empathy perspective, you have to go through this.

But please understand… Now intellectual part starts. If something goes inside, it goes inside. If somebody has cheated me in life, I am glad it ended. Because that person doesn’t deserve the rest of my life. I am glad it ended. And in all emotional issues, the longer it takes, when it happens, the hurt is much greater. Let it happen earlier. If somebody has to betray me, let him betray me at the earliest. Three months I get betrayed or one year I get betrayed, three years I get betrayed, this itself is very painful. If somebody had walked with me for 10 years and then betrayed me, you won’t even be able to recover from it.

So, one – I am very happy, if somebody has ever betrayed me. They don’t deserve the rest of my life first.

Two, the earlier the better.

Three, I know of somebody very close to me… he was in a relationship. Very young… still in school, very young, was in a relationship, and finally, this whole relationship fell apart. He went through very miserable days of depression. And he used to listen to such sad songs that it used to make the neighbourhood also sad in that period.

One day, when I was talking to him, I asked him. “Whatever you have gone through, you really wished you never got into a relationship, isn’t it?” Immediately he replied, saying that ‘No, No… it’s better to have loved and lost, then not to have loved at all. I never knew there was a lover in me. It’s because of her I discovered the lover in me I would have never known that I was capable of so much of love. In fact, even now my regret is not that she has betrayed me and gone. She has turned me into such a lover that she will not benefit out of my love. Now that I know, I can love I am not going to stop loving. Somebody out there in the world will come and benefit out of my love and somebody in this world is going to be taken care of, like an angel with my love. But the one who introduced that love to me, is not going to benefit, that’s my only regret. But I will ever be grateful to her because it is she, who showed me that I can be a lover in life.”

Fast forward, fast forward, fast forward…

I have seen that boy love his wife, like I have seen very few people love their wife, the way he loves. Why I am sharing this is… Just because somebody betrayed your love, don’t lose faith in love. Love is still the best thing that could have happened to you, in life. It’s like… it’s easy to explain in happiness… right now, this made you happy. Tomorrow something else will make you happy. Day after tomorrow something else will make you happy. What makes you happy will come and go. Happiness has to go on…

It’s a little difficult when it comes to love but I have to say this… Somebody brought out love in you, somebody else will continue to bring out love in you. The objects of love will come and gone. My responsibility is to love. Objects of love will come and go. As long as my love goes on… don’t lose faith on love. When this happens, you start feeling love is not good, love is a weakness, from now onwards… All these thoughts will come… from now onwards… ‘I will not love anybody’ What you will do? If you don’t love anybody, what you will do? We cannot…you will love… just that somebody else has come in.

So, somebody was your training grounds to become a lover, somebody will come and take a permanent position and they will continue, the journey continues…So one, if somebody has betrayed you, they don’t deserve the rest of your future. Two, if somebody has to betray you, sooner the better. The hurt heals. For this hurt to heal, how much ever we all intellectualise, you need some time for certain emotional hurts to heal and only with time it will heal. You have to give it the time. Three, it’s better to be loved and lost than not to have loved at all. Be grateful to her, don’t despise her, don’t hate her. If it’s a her, her, if it’s a him, him, ok if it’s a them, them. okay. Be grateful to them. They showed you something about you, without them, you would have never known. Maybe now, you are expressive, maybe now, you are now romantic, maybe now, you know that there is also fragility within you, which you would have never come to know without them. So, some way… the easiest way to forgive is to become grateful. They showed you something about you, which you would have never known otherwise.

Don’t lose faith in love and last but not the least don’t let it ruin your life. The next girl won’t come otherwise. Girls need to look up. How much ever you want to change, no, it’s not like…girls prefer to be in a relationship, where there is an element of looking up to. The biggest mistake a lot of these guys, who have had a broken relationship in life is, they try to get the next girl through sympathy. ‘Nobody loves me.’ Then I am also not loving you too. Ok. Through sympathy you cannot get love. Due to sympathy, she will give you a tissue paper… from the box they will take…Nobody will be in a relationship with you out of self-pity, out of sympathy. One mistake, I have seen a lot of people do – If I talk about my deprivation taking pity in me, she will get into a relationship, No. People want to be in a relationship, where they can look up to. So, you have to lift yourself.  If that space that has been created has to be refilled in your life, which I can see that you want refilling, abundance of refilling… I can see it, you have to lift yourself. So, don’t go down. Turn this into an inspiration and rise in life.